so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
