my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize