The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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