found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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