I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
