i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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