I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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