Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
