you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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