i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
