I think my fart just growled at me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
