5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
