I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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