The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I still have a little drunk in my system
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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