if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
