i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
