Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
