Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
