Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Buhtt sex?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
