If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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