Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
