not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
