i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
