My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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