rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How's work?
Spinning.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
