I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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