I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize