he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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