Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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