Kiss
Puke
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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