Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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