If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
