I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
