My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
