I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
