well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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