ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
