Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
