You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
