He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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