I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
