No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
