ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
