Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
