For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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