Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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