forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize