I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
