I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
