I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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