I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
