I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
