dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
did i just pee glitter
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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