i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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