With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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