i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
