I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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