the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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