Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
