Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
