My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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