i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
