new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
