too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
