i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
