Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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