nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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