For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
