Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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