where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
