I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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