I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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