When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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