So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
