I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize