wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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