im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
