i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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