I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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