I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
