Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You took a bar mat shot.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
