My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize