...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
me + whiskey = a bad person
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
